I recently celebrated my 44th birthday, and it was a special occasion for me. Instead of focusing on regrets, bitterness, or sadness, I chose to embrace the joy of discovering my true self and express gratitude for the countless blessings I have received throughout my life's journey. It was a time of reflection and appreciation for the positive experiences that have shaped me into who I am today.
1st picture: My 44th birthday photoshoot
2nd picture: My girls and I
3rd picture: My mom
4th picture: My dad and I
5th picture: My twin brother and I with our younger half sister
6th picture: My grandmother and I
As we celebrated Thanksgiving last week, I've decided to share my first of many upcoming writings and reflections from the past few decades, both personally and professionally. Coincidentally, this year also marks my 20th year in the US healthcare industry. During these two decades, I've witnessed, felt, experienced, and processed a great deal. However, I won't delve into the topics of racism, discrimination, and the challenges I faced as a black immigrant in the US at this time. That will be the focus of a separate piece.
Now, let me provide some context for my journey and experiences. I lost my mother a few weeks before taking my high school exit exam in Nigeria. I was just 15 and a half, and she was a few months short of turning 50. My grandmother passed away in 2016 at the age of 95. In 2018, I lost my immediate younger half-sister, who was 38 years old, six months after I last saw her. And in 2019, a few weeks before my twin brother and I turned 40, I lost my father at the age of 81, a year and a half after I last saw him.
In 2021, I made the difficult decision to end my nearly 19-year marriage in order to save my life and preserve my sanity. It took a significant amount of time, effort, self-forgiveness, self-compassion, and professional support to process the complex grief, trauma, and losses. Through all the pain, hurt, and betrayals, I rediscovered my purpose and became the best version of myself.
When faced with deep hurt and betrayal, it is important to recognize that you have the power to heal and move forward. No one, not even those who have wronged you, has the authority to dictate your healing journey. Remember, your well-being and safety should always be prioritized over someone else's concern for their public image. It takes great wisdom and bravery to gracefully remove toxic individuals from your life.
Throughout life, there may be events, pain, and betrayals that test your faith in people and life itself. While it can be disheartening to experience family turning into enemies, it is also possible to find unexpected support from friends and colleagues who become like family. The most valuable lesson I have learned from these experiences is to never give up on myself, regardless of who or what may betray me.
To all the therapists, counselors, mediators, and other behavioral health professionals I've seen since first seeking help for postpartum depression in 2018, through the pandemic, and during my separation, divorce, and even now post-divorce. I want to express my heartfelt gratitude; you are my heroes.
To the bariatric team at KP—the doctors, surgeons, NPs, PAs, dietitians, LCSWs, and all the support staff—thank you for being an incredible support system throughout my weight loss surgery journey and for giving me a new lease on life.
To my ex-husband's uncle and his late ex-wife, who graciously provided us with rent-free housing for our first nine months in the US before we found our footing, thank you. To my colleagues who gave me rides to work whenever we worked together at the nursing home, thank you. To our family friend who first introduced us to an African church here in California, thank you.
To my classmates and teachers at San Bernardino Adult School, where I received training to become a nursing assistant, thank you. And to my very first job as a Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA) at Waterman Convalescent Home in San Bernardino, thank you.
To the ARMC-BH department, who hired me even when I showed up for my interview almost nine months pregnant and asked me when I would like to start. They generously agreed to my proposed start date of eight weeks postpartum so that our oldest daughter could receive her immunizations before I began working. Thank you.
To our very first babysitter in the US, Ms. Joni, and her husband, who took care of our first daughter from eight weeks until we moved out of the area, thank you. And to all the childcare providers, nannies, after-school programs, and staff who have cared for our daughters over the years as if they were their own, I am forever grateful.
To my classmates at Mount St. Mary's University, thank you for the carpool rides, study groups, and teamwork during clinicals. I'm glad I had the opportunity to reconnect with some of you at our reunion over the summer.
To my colleagues and mentors at Kaiser Permanente, thank you for your guidance, support, and the knowledge you shared with me throughout my career. Your expertise and dedication have shaped me into the healthcare professional I am today.
To our church families who organized and supported us for our baby showers, thank you for your love and generosity. Your thoughtfulness made those special moments even more memorable. To my colleagues at KP who supported us during our baby shower and organized a baby sprinkle for our 4th daughter, thank you for your kindness and support. It meant a lot to have your encouragement during that time.
To my classmates in graduate school and my professor at Azusa Pacific University, thank you for the surprise baby sprinkle for our fourth daughter. It was a beautiful gesture that touched my heart as I walked in to take my finals for that semester. Your thoughtfulness made a challenging time a whole lot brighter.
Over the years, many people have helped us through every single season of our lives. To all those who watched the girls for a few hours, picked them up, or dropped them off at various activities, whether it was practice, games, tournaments, church camp, or extracurricular activities, thank you. Your support allowed us to navigate our busy schedules with peace of mind.
To Pastor Dane and our entire Centerpoint Church family, thank you for your prayers and behind-the-scenes work during the early stages of our separation. Your support and guidance helped us through a difficult time. To all the children's department staff who have cared for and nurtured our girls, thank you for your dedication and love.
To Dr. Parvinchiha, thank you for giving me a life-changing opportunity. When I interviewed for the Caremore position, I was quietly considering quitting nursing altogether due to extreme burnout. That role reignited my love and passion for nursing and motivated me to find the right work-life balance. I am forever grateful for the chance you gave me.
I will always remember the support I received from my colleagues at Caremore during our family's recovery from COVID-19 in 2020. Your presence, prayers, and acts of kindness meant the world to us during a time of fear and uncertainty. From arranging Zoom meetings to lifting my family in prayer, sending groceries and gift cards, and even arranging Nigerian meals to be delivered, your generosity touched our hearts deeply. Thank you for being there for us.
To my 81-year-old uncle, who flew in from Nigeria to Atlanta and then flew to California with my cousin, thank you for ensuring I was in a good and safe state of mind. Your presence and support meant the world to me. To my other cousin and her family, thank you for hosting the girls and me and offering your unwavering support behind the scenes. Your kindness has been a huge blessing.
To my manager and colleagues at SCAN, thank you for being a great support system and a source of strength. Your willingness to share your personal stories, experiences, struggles, and successes created an environment where I felt safe and vulnerable. I am grateful for each and every one of you.
To my patients, thank you for entrusting me with your care. It has been an honor and privilege to care for you, advocate for you, and witness your strength and resilience. Your stories and experiences have taught me invaluable lessons about compassion, empathy, and the importance of holistic care.
To my friends and loved ones, thank you for being my pillars of support. Your unwavering belief in me, love, and encouragement have kept me going during the toughest times. Your presence in my life has brought me immeasurable joy and happiness.
To my siblings and extended family, thank you for your constant love and support. Despite the distance and challenges we have faced, our bond remains unbreakable. Your presence in my life reminds me of the importance of family and the power of connection.
To my beloved daughters, you are the most precious gifts in my life. Your unwavering love, joyful laughter, and warm hugs have been the guiding lights that have fueled my strength and motivation. Each day, I make it my purpose to become the best mother possible for you all, and I am eternally thankful for the immense love and happiness you bring into my world.
To the authors, speakers, and thought leaders whose books, podcasts, and talks have inspired and empowered me, thank you. Your wisdom and insights have influenced my personal growth and encouraged me to step outside of my comfort zone.
To the countless strangers who have shown acts of kindness and generosity, thank you. Your small gestures, whether it was a smile, a helping hand, or a kind word, have made a significant impact on my life. Your compassion has restored my faith in humanity.
To anyone I may have missed mentioning specifically, please know that I appreciate you and your support throughout the years. Your contributions have made a difference in my life, and I am grateful for your generosity.
Overall, I have been incredibly fortunate due to the extreme generosity and kindness of so many people. I choose to be grateful for all the individuals, teams, and organizations that have greatly impacted my life and career and supported my girls and me through some of the toughest phases of our journey.
To anyone currently going through a difficult time, please don't give up hope. Surround yourself with supportive people who can help you navigate through the challenges. Remember that there is help available, and you are not alone. I may not know what tomorrow holds, but I have faith in the one who owns tomorrow. He never fails or forsakes us. I am forever grateful for the peace, freedom, and restoration I have experienced.
As I reflect on these past 44 years, I am filled with gratitude for the experiences, lessons, and people who have shaped my journey. Life has been a beautiful tapestry of joy, pain, growth, and resilience. I am eager to continue learning, evolving, and making a positive impact in the years to come.
Thank you to everyone who has been a part of my life's journey. Your presence and contributions have made a difference, and I am grateful beyond words.
Lastly, to my ex-husband, Raphael: Thank you for the incredible gifts of our four amazing daughters. They are my greatest motivation to keep going, no matter what.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
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